Go Rona! Far, Far Away

This pain is like a long-term goal,
Something you can barely get your hands on,
Let alone wrap your mind about.

If I could name it, I might know how to make it go away
I say to myself, frantically googling symptoms
If I could name it, would it make it less hateable?
I lay back and try to accept the inevitable

How come no-one seems to know what’s going on
We have driven deep into a blizzard
The never-ending smog envelops us, sucks the marrow out of us until we are dry bones

Check your temperature, they say, take a test, they say
The numbers don’t add up, but my body is still on fire
Aren’t you supposed to go away eventually and leave me be?
I want my energy back, I want my body back

How lonely pain makes you, like a broken heart, an empty hole
Who can understand you but yourself, but surely others have travelled there before
Why can’t I have clear symptoms? Why can’t I name my pain?
Now I think I get it. My pain doesn’t want to introduce itself to me.

I don’t want to wish clear illness on myself. God forbid.
Come out dear pain, wherever you are, enough already!
Yes, it’ll pass, I reassure myself, but am I reassured, really?

How selfish I am, your pain is nothing, it doesn’t even have a name, it barely has a form
People are suffering, struggling to breathe, overwhelmed, terrified
How relative pain is. Your pain is nothing. Stop the rant. Now get real
Head up now, the only way is forward.

Time has come to accept you into the fold, dear unknown it
Time has come to live life like there is no tomorrow.
Remember your privilege. Remember all that.
You cannot possibly call this pain. Life is generous. God is generous.
I’m sorry pain. I think I mixed you up with ambiguity. How sweet it is to know things.

I
Don’t
Know. Out.